A subtle lie that destroys our peace

So subtle we usually can’t see it in ourself.

Watch out for the word ‘if’.

Small word. HUGE Impact.

Look for this ‘unspoken lie’ in the dialogue below, “I can only feel good about myself if I achieve my goal.”

One member of the TAL Mastermind Pre-Launch team posted something in the Facebook group the other day that revealed this super common, but mostly unnoticed lie deep in many of us…it’s worth discussion:

I have been in a funk since Saturday, had such a productive week last week. But this week, I shut down. I have not been motivated to do anything. My drive and motivation was doing great and then I just lost it all.

I’m not really sure why. I’m only telling you guys to hold myself accountable. I don’t want to continue to go backwards and if I kick butt the rest of this week, I know that I will feel good about me. I am just fearful of letting myself down, again.

I know that I’m what stands in my way, so I’m determined to be well on my way to following through and making progress, I just know it.

I love the vulnerability and openness in the TAL Mastermind. And point out that those who grow most, are those who get out of their comfort zone like this and share reality. It takes courage.

Here was my response:

I want to point out the ‘conditional’ love you are treating yourself with so hopefully you can become more aware of it and others can see it in themselves if applicable.

“If I kick butt I know I will feel good about me.”

“I’m fearful of letting myself down.”

See the condition there? And the lie embedded subtly inside it?

Of course none of us want to sit around doing nothing, not kick butt, never do any good for anybody. But we all fall, and we will fail in the future.

Unconditional love doesn’t stop loving ‘if’ we don’t live up.

It keeps right on loving us no matter what. Does a loving parent not feel good about their child if the child messes up? Do they fear the child will mess up again?

No. They know the child will mess up again and they love the child the same regardless of outcomes.

If you can see the conditions you are placing on loving yourself I invite you to look in the mirror and say “I’m sorry, please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”

I created this poster last year to remind me of that important phrase. I keep it on my shelf by my desk. It’s such a powerful sequence to go through regularly toward yourself and others.

And tell yourself that no conditions or outcomes will stop you from feeling good about you. No failing can ever stop you from being ‘good enough’ to be loved unconditionally.

You are perfectly lovable just how you are. The key is to get that belief into your heart to replace the one that says you have to do or be anything in order to be lovable.

Forgive yourself now for your past and future mistakes and shortcomings. Then you don’t have to fear them. They are going to happen, guaranteed.

Not that you want them to. But what you resist persists. What you fear you are focusing on. Forgiveness and love release fear and allow you to focus on what you want.

Accept your natural state with compassion towards yourself. Strive to be your best self, but with mercy on your shortcomings.

I recommend adding an affirmation into your daily routine around loving yourself deeply regardless of what does or doesn’t happen.

Example I use daily:

“I always feel good about myself because I am God’s child. Totally forgiven and totally loved.”


Hope that opens some awareness on an issue that may be hampering your peace some days, and putting you in a ‘funk’.

Placing conditions on feeling good about yourself is a sure-fire path to unhappiness. Because you’ll never be perfect at meeting the conditions.

The TAL Mastermind Pre-Launch team is still open for the time being and we’d love to have you join us and hear your voice.


Make Today Amazing!


P.S. – Here’s the free link to download the ‘I’m sorry, Please Forgive me, Thank You, I Love You’ Poster.


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