Aaron: Welcome
to the Truly Amazing Live Show. IÕm
your host Aaron Kennard, and today IÕve got a really fascinating guest on the
line. His name is Sal Valdovinos. Are
you there Sal?
Sal: IÕm right here.
Aaron: Alright, welcome to the call Sal. IÕm going to give everybody a brief
intro of SalÉ
Sal: OK.
Aaron: So that I can kind of set up what the
conversation is going to be like.
So, for everybody listening, Sal, I met through a mutual friend of mine,
Joel. And he comes from Mexico originally. He moved to Milwaukee and grew up. But he is going on 89 years old and he
lives a thriving life. And the reason that my friend Joel, our mutual friend, pointed
him to come on this call is because heÕs very familiar with Sal, and Sal is just
an amazing example of somebody who has lived a truly amazing life, and
continues to do that, and continues to thrive throughout his life. And so just
a brief background. He was in the
military, fought in World War II, he ended up getting a Purple Heart in the
military there. He went to college and was kicked out and then got back into
college and ended up getting a Ph.D., and then was a psychologist for over 50
years, and created whatÕs called the Life Management Institute where heÕs
taught people to live their own best life, and to manage it lifelong. So, heÕs just an innovative thinker and a
person who is committed to living the principles that we discussed on the Truly
Amazing Life Show and in the truly amazing life community. So, thatÕs a brief overview for
Sal. Again, welcome to the call
Sal. IÕm really excited to dig into
some of these stories and have you here today.
Sal: Thank you. A pleasure to be here.
Aaron: Yeah.
Thank you so much for taking the time. Now, IÕve kind of given people a
snapshot of what weÕre doing here, but what I want to do is what your life is
going to be about and thereÕs a lot to go into. But what I want to start with is this
one question, and that is, youÕre going on 89 years old, I want to know, what is
it today that makes life truly amazing to you right now?
Sal: Well, obviously,
one of the benefits I have is, IÕm in good health. And that didnÕt happen accidently. I deliberately
chose not to smoke, and drink to excess, and do the things that people do that are
really harmful to themselves. So my
first rule of life is, hey, do not harm yourself. And so, live a thriving life. And as far as living today, I mean, I
can do anythingÉand first, if youÕre interested in everything and in the world
around you that makes, of course, life more interesting. But if youÕre not feeling very good
about yourself. And, of course, and Joel knows this. I mentioned it to him, that two
important factors are critical for good mental health and thriving. One, like yourself. Have a high regard for yourself. Two, is believe that you can change
yourself to be become whatever you need and want to become. You have the power to change yourself,
but first you have to accept responsibility for what youÕve already
created. And once you own that, and
donÕt blame the world for what you got, you can change it to become anything
you want. And the whole world and
your life is in your hand, and thatÕs what so beautiful about it. And the question then is, what do I want
to have? What do I want for myself
in my life? And that question is a
hard one, and most people never get around to asking themselves, and struggling
with that. So, you never really
create what they want. They usually end up living a life that other people have
kind of siphoned into them, and programmed them to live instead of creating
their own best life and living it lifelong. ThatÕs really the difference. IÕm doing what I want to teach others to
do, I first believe I need to do it myself. I have no right to try to teach you
something about life and how to do it if I havenÕt tried it and know that it can
work.
Aaron: Yeah.
So, it sounds likeÉ
Sal: ThatÕs
pretty much it.
Aaron: I mean, youÕve
kind of encapsulated that having a high regard for yourself and a belief that
you can change yourself and thenÉ
Sal: Very true.
Aaron: ÉyouÕre in a place where you just expressed
interest in basically everything beyond that. So, can you tell us, what is your life
like today? What do you do that gets
you thrilled to wake up today?
Sal: Well, when my
wife died, itÕs interesting, I spent about eight years kind of looking after her. ThatÕs when I retired from practice
about nine, maybe 10 years ago. And
I retired to take care of her, and after she died, I decided wellÉ So, I went off on a two week retreat with
myself in one of my daughterÕs summer cottage in New Jersey. I was there and I ended up just coming out
with a very simple truth. I wanted
to use all my gifts and talents that I had that God has been so blessed to give
me and go ahead and be of service to people. Which IÕve always been anyway in a
professional way but now I want to beÉSo, the things that I can do is, IÕm very
good at helping people wake up and learn that they can create a life better
than they got. And do it themselves
lifelong. And secondly was, I can
fix things very well intuitively, from sewing machines to, you name it,
toasters. People just bring stuff
from the neighborhood over here to be repaired. So, thatÕs what IÕve been doing. And then people decided to tell me, Sal,
you shouldnÕt be doing this for nothing.
You should charge a little money for it, so people put more value on
it. Oh, OK. So, I charge a little money for it, and
thatÕs what IÕve been doing. And
thatÕs been my life is to be of service to people. And with all the gifts and talents that
I have, to be of service to them. And
I do this in my church as well.
Aaron: ThatÕs very cool.
Sal: IÕm a
Unitarian. I go to Universalist Church
here in Minneapolis, Minnesota. So,
thatÕs pretty much the answer to your question.
Aaron: ThatÕs awesome. I love that. So, the thing that thrills you every day
is to just wake up and be of service.
Use your gifts to be of service to your fellow man.
Sal: And I have a lot
of them. ItÕs just the whole world
interests me. IÕve learned a lot of
information about a lot of things.
And I just love waking up every day and facing the day to see what I can
do. Sometimes I have things
planned, sometimes I donÕt.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: I usually have a
couple friends a week that I have lunch with, or breakfast with just to visit and
talk.
Aaron: I love that.
Sal: They come over to
my house for that.
Aaron: I think itÕs a beautiful thing. I just love hearing that youÉI mean, you
retired even, I guess it was into your 80s. It was right when you were you were
about 80 that you finally retired from yourÉ
Sal: Yes.
Aaron: Éyour
official practice in order to just simply to take care of your wife. But IÕm guessing that you didnÕt retireÉI
mean, you werenÕt waiting to retire because you had to earn more money in order
to retireÉ
Sal: No.
Aaron: Ébut that you were loving
what you were doing. Is that right?
Sal: Yeah. I just said that. In fact, I feel in my heart, I never
worked a day in my life. I was just
being who I was and it was a joyful journey being of service to other people which
I had in my practice, and I loved it.
And it was really no work at all.
Aaron: So, you never did retire because you never
really were working in that sense of the word, right?
Sal: And even now, I
occasionally have a client or two I get referred to. And I work with them over
the phone. And some of them are,
they come from all the way in Texas, to New York. And so theyÕre not all local because we
talk on the phone. And IÕm of
service to them that way. So, I
donÕt leave my office. Really, I discovered
I could just do that very nicely by coaching them over the phone.
Aaron: ThatÕs really cool. Alright, very cool. So, letÕs go back intoÉthat gives
everybody a picture of what your lifeÕs like right now and why itÕs
amazing. And I really like to start
with that because it just helpsÉit just confirms. Every time I talk to somebody whoÕs
living a truly amazing life like yourself, it very so often comes down to this
principle of service and just giving ourselves and creating the life. I mean, youÕve mentioned so many
principles that ring so true to me that are so. But letÕs jump into some of the path. I
want to kind of find out, Ok, how did you get to being able to live this way? I mean, youÕve have a long life so far
thatÕs continuing to be thriving. But where did this start? Was it always this way for you, or can
you take us back to before you really knew how to create an amazing life for
yourself every day.
Sal: Well, I think being the oldest of all
these brothers helped me to look after and see what people needed and how people
could sometimes be their own worst enemy.
Because I had some of my most difficult times with my brother who knew
what the right thing to do was, but they just didnÕt do it for whatever
reasons. And, of course, my mother
wanted me to help her so I got pressed into service to helping them kind of comply
and live a better life. And I was
constantly being placed in charge of the kids. Which, of course, was foolish because
they never obeyed me anyway. And
even in the Army, I became a platoon sergeant. And I had about 40 guys under me and trying
to get them to do the job of being combat soldiers it was difficult sometimes. Because some of the men were not willing
to shoot to kill. They didnÕt mind shooting
at the enemy but they really werenÕt having them in their sight. TheyÕre just shooting at them to bring
them down, and kill them. Because
they didnÕt want that on their conscience.
So, how can you have a platoon of guys who are just shooting over their
heads, and again sort of really doing this. But it took me a little effort to get
them to do the job right and they all came around to that eventually.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: That was one of
the things. And of course, we each
have to have an attitude about ourselves that says, I like who I am, life is
wonderful. I can make my life whatever
I want it to be. And IÕve
experimented with myself. ThereÕve
been days when I said, now IÕm going to just wake up and just kind of float. I call myself floating through the day and
nothing happens. So, IÕm just here. I have my coffee, and my breakfast, and
nothing happens if I donÕt create it and make it happen. So, I guess I realized if IÕm going to
have a life at 89, and 90. itÕs up to me. IÕve got to make it happen because if I
donÕt move in that direction daily, I donÕt have anything worth being alive
about in my day because I didnÕt create it. So, itÕs really up to me.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: And
I enjoy that.
Aaron: So, when did you come to that? I mean, it sounds like when you were growing
up, you were kind of forced into service butÉ
Sal: ThatÕs where the
roots came for that from, but I didnÕt realize that until I recreated my
program and stopped doing therapy with people and realized what they need to
know is how to identify and invent a life that they wanted, then teach them how
to create it, then how to manage it, and then how to do that for the rest of
their lives. And thatÕs how IÕm
doing it. IÕm doing what IÕve invented
in the program and have taught other people to do. Because I believe I need to do it myself
first. I know what works and
doesnÕt. So I donÕt teach what
doesnÕt work. I do teach what does work.
Aaron: And you mentioned earlierÉ.
Sal: In fact, I get
accused sometimes wanting to teach what people donÕt want to be taught. Because they didnÕt ask for that. Leave me alone.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: I do do a little meddling sometimes. I meddle in their lives. But IÕd rather be scolded for that than
being indifferent and disinterested in other people.
Aaron: ThatÕs good. I like that. So, it sounds like you got into
psychology and you did your Ph.D. in that, right?
Sal: Yes,
Aaron: And you were in that field for 50 years but after
a certain period of time, a number of years in there, you mentioned that you
found out that what you were doing wasnÕtÉ
Sal: It was about 18
years or so, and I realized this isnÕt what people really, really need.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: Because you see, they
may have gotten the problem solved, but they still did not have a life. And to me it was more important to have
a life that works for you and gave you joy and meaning than to just get rid of
your problem. Because the problem arenÕt
that really important once you have a life thatÕs really working for you.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: Because then
things that arenÕt working really become an opportunity to recreate your life periodically. As you grow older and older, you are
continuously recreating your life to fit with who you are at that moment in
your development.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: So, how can you
go wrong? So, there are no problems
then. ItÕs just really issues that
are obsolete that no longer work for you either in a relationship and you have
to then recreate what you want for you and your partner so that it works for
the two of you and you do it together.
And you get right to the solution and thereÕs no need to discuss
problems because they obviously donÕt matter.
Aaron: So, what was you experience like? You were doing psychotherapy, or psychology
work with people before you had that realization.
Sal: Right.
Aaron: What
was your experience and frustration like that led you to changing your whole
methodology of how youÕre doing it?
Sal: Well, when people
started coming back again for different problems, I knew that they liked to
solve problems, but solving a problem wasnÕt giving them the life they needed. So, I said, why donÕt we just stop with the
problems and go right to the life?
And it worked. But youÕve
got to first sell them on the idea because they couldnÕt believeÉthey believed
they had to solve every problem before they got to making
a good life for themselves. And IÕm saying, no, you donÕt have
to. You could have a lot of
problems but you decide you donÕt want that kind of life with those
problems. You create the life that
really works and go ahead and create it, the problems go away. ItÕs like magic.
Aaron: I got to stop right there because that is just
awesome. That is fascinating that you spent about 18 years helping people solve
their problems only to have them come back and they still didnÕt have the life they
wanted until youÉ
Sal: ThatÕs why I said,
letÕs go right to the life they wanted and then that was a challenge. How do I get them to figure out what
they want? Because maybe at the
time they never really looked at that.
They were living that life. Part
of the problems were they were living lives that they had been internalized and
taught to live by their parents, by teachers, by ministers, by the community
instead of inventing their own lives.
And that is the biggest challenge even today. Is you ask a kid, what you wantÉand, of
course, today IÕm finding kids who are 40 years old still living with their
mothers because they canÕtÉtheyÕre sort of failing to launch themselves. They canÕt get out. They donÕt know what
they want, and theyÕre kind of afraid theyÕre going to screw it up, so they
stay home with mom. ThatÕs another
story.
Aaron: But do you think that not knowing what people
want, and not working on creating the life, and a truly amazing life of their dreams,
have you seen that thatÕs actually the root of a lot of the problems then?
Sal: Yes. That was it
because they werenÕt living their own lives. And in my opinion, you are not a successful
human being until you are really living the life that you want, the life that
matters to you, and youÕre living it successfully. If youÕre living somebody elseÕs life,
youÕre not really a successful human being. YouÕre still somebody elseÕs creation as
a person.
Aaron: Yeah.
So, youÕre not a successful human being until youÕre living the life that
you want and doing it successfully?
Sal: That is true, and
living it your way.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: And of course,
what happens now with that attitude, you are responsible for everything youÕve got
in your life because youÕre making it.
You say, if itÕs going to be, itÕs up to me. I created this and if I donÕt want it, I
have to create something better.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: If you donÕt own the
responsibility for what youÕve creating, and youÕre blaming everybody else,
youÕre powerless to make it any better because youÕre giving your power away to
other people. ThatÕs a causative
force in your life instead of you being that yourself.
Aaron: Yeah. Yeah. ThatÕs powerful, that accepting responsibility
is probablyÉthatÕs one of the most empowering things I think people can do,
anybody can do for themselves.
Sal: Yes. And I know being the oldest of all these
brothers helped me be responsible for me because I was constantly used as an
example for them.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: And whatever
price I paid for that, who knows. But
I feel okay about it.
Aaron: Yeah.
Yeah. ThatÕs really
cool. So, you then started what
youÉyou changed your company to, or you started the Life Management Institute
at that point? Is that right?
Sal: Yes. And of course, there was a price to pay
for that because you see, the health care industry in America only pays for
illness and [inaudible]. So, once I
didnÕt call them as needing therapy, they needed to create their own life, they
said, well thatÕs fine but we donÕt pay for education for people. We only pay for psychiatric,
psychological treatment. And so, I
would not call them needing treatment because that wasnÕt the case. They just needed to know what they
wanted in their lives, how to create it, live it, and manage it. And, of course, the insurance companies
no longer paid their bills for them.
So we worked out arrangements for ourselves and they paid their own
bill. It worked out just fine.
Aaron: So, you ended up going private? You went away from the insurance thing
altogether then?
Sal: Yes, I did. Yes. And, in fact, I was planning to change over
by setting up a credit line at a bank so that if any clients needed to borrow money
to pay the bill, they would never be in default of their bill. They could just borrow the money and pay
the bank back. Because I didnÕt run
a bank in my office.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: Anyway, only two
clients I think, in the whole time within the transition change over needed to
borrow money from the bank. Most
people found a way. I took payments
so they could pay it off. And
before longÉ the funny thing is, hereÕs the thing I discovered, people behaved
more powerfully when theyÕre paying for this out of their own money from their
own pocket, they really are apt to changing and putting into practice quickly
and effectively because theyÕre paying for it.
Aaron: Yeah.
ItÕs so much different than if theyÕre getting this hugeÉ
Sal: That was quite a
surprise to me.
Aaron: Yeah. So, then even that alone helped your
work be more impactful and powerful because people were taking more
responsibility?
Sal: Yeah. ThatÕs right. They took more responsibility. Paid with their own money and got to
where they wanted to much quicker, and stayed there the rest of their life.
Aaron: And so, until you retired then you ran that
model, the Life Management Institute?
Sal: Yes.
Aaron: So, for over 30 years it sounds like.
Sal: Well, since 79, I
think. Whatever years those
are. I quit in 1991.
Aaron: Ok.
So, quite a long time anyway.
Sal: Quite a long
time. Yeah. I still have that company now but I
donÕt really do too much. Actually,
I do a little coaching over the phone under that name.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: Teaching the same
thing, of course.
Aaron: Yeah.
Wow. ThatÕs really impactful. ThatÕs soÉ
Sal: ItÕs amazing what
you can do when youÕre willing to accept responsibility for your own life. And
you know that, if my lifeÕs going to be anything, itÕs got to be up to me. And then just go and make it
happen.
Aaron: Yep.
ThatÕs a powerful principle.
So, IÕm sure youÕve seen hundreds and hundreds of examples of that then,
over the years of people making those shifts, right?
Sal: Yeah, and in
fact, I get cards even to this day, saying Sal, what you taught me there way back
then in 82, 85, I passed on to my kids, and my kids are now passing it on to
their kids. It really works. And so, IÕll never see their kids
because they passed it on because they know it works
Aaron: Yeah.
ThatÕs fantastic.
Sal: And itÕs really
not so amazing when you really think about it but people just kind of get blinded. I think Americans wants a little easier
way in life. TheyÕve been used to
taking a pill for this, a pill for that, and you really want toÉyou never turn
your back on your body, itÕs a self-healing system thatÕs really
wonderful. If you give it the
credit for it.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: That another area,
of course, is illness and well-being and how you can use your mind to generate
a lot of good health and well-being.
Aaron: Did you get into that with your clients as
well?
Sal: Yes, we would
talk about that. How they could live
[inaudible 19:44] with their
thoughts, their health both mentally and emotionally, and also their physical
health by what they thought about, and how they talk to themselves. But thatÕs not new. I mean, some writers have come out with
a book called, Self Talk, and thatÕs true.
ItÕs very powerful.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: In fact, I had
lunch today with a guy. When he
forgot something, he said, Oh, gosh, IÕm getting AlzheimerÕs. I said you shouldnÕt talk that way to
yourself because your brain doesnÕt know whether itÕs true or not, but just
listen to the message and eventually if you say it often enough, it begins to
create it. Oh, really, he said. He didnÕt know that.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: He said, IÕm
going to stop that. He didnÕt think
about it. He just said it
automatically. What you say to
yourself is important. Self-talk is
very powerful. You can shape it.
Aaron: And you can change your thoughts and shape your
world by just shaping your words, right?
Sal: Yep, and people
do the sameÉfor example, a lot of people know they have potentials and
capabilities to make things happen but they donÕt believe they have. They just know theyÕre capable. But being capable is one thing and believing
that youÕre capable and acting on it, thatÕs of course, another story. Because if you do not believe you can,
you canÕt. If you believe you can,
then you can and you do it.
Aaron: So, what do you do to help people get that
belief?
Sal: Well, I try to find
examples of ways to use themselves to create results. And I say, see look, youÕre not
powerless. YouÕre very
capable. Look, you acted on this
and that. I remember saying this in
a joking way to a woman who came to see me who was very, very heavy. And I said to her, you know, youÕre
really are very good at putting on weight.
And if I ever know anybody who really wants to know how to do it, could
I refer them to you and you could teach them how? Because youÕre really good. And she laughed. A little mad, and funny but she got the
message. Which I was trying to tell
her that she had the same power to put on weight, you can use the same power to
manage it and remove it, and manage the weight she wants. Same power.
Aaron: Yeah.
And we tend to just tell ourselves itÕs only one sided, or that we just
donÕt have the power to do that when we have all sorts of powers. We just donÕt believe.
Sal: Well,
they donÕt think they have the power for good stuff but they have the power for
doing bad to themselves. And I donÕt know why theyÕre so
one-sided about it. Because if you
have the power for one, you have the power to do the other. ItÕs a matter of choosing which one you
want to act upon.
Aaron: Yeah.
Yeah. ThatÕs very true. So, you did this practice, you retired
and it sounds like you were serving your wife there until she passed of cancer
a number of years ago, right?
Sal: Yes. She died in 2008. So, it must be about four years out.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: Five years. Anyway, I mean, I really just did a good
job with her. I wanted to be there
for her. She was such a wonderful
person to me. Why would I not care
for her and love her in her final years?
Aaron: Yeah. So, that was your main focus
throughout those years probably.
Sal: Yep. And then in my life after she died. And I asked myself, what am I going to
do with the rest of my life?
Because I figured IÕd be living another 15, 18 years. So, I wanted to do something productive,
and good, and meaningful.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: I didnÕt want to sit
in a chair waiting to die. That was
no fun.
Aaron: Yeah.
And you mentioned earlier that you went off on this couple week retreat
and then came out with that.
Sal: Yes, three weeks
to figure out what to do with the rest of my life.
Aaron: What did you do during that time?
Sal: I was alone. Every morning I had my breakfast by
myself. I walked to town. ItÕs a place called Ocean Grove in New
Jersey. A little...by the seashore
there. And it was very solace and
it gave me the chance to discover what I really wanted to do and it made
sense. And I followed that and IÕve
been very happy with it ever since.
Aaron: Yeah.
What would you actually do during those two weeks? I mean youÕd get up and have breakfast
alone, but what else were you up to?
Were you writing, or what were you doing during that retreat?
Sal: Oh, I wrote notes
on what I want to do with my life.
And see the book is not coming as well as I thought because IÕm not that
disciplined about the book. But I will
take care of that. I will change my
way of being so I can write the book before too long. I hope maybe to get it done by the end
of the year and ready to the publisher.
And itÕs just a mere simple book called, Life Solutions.
Aaron: Life Solutions?
Sal: Yes. For example, youÕre going to repair an
axle, a broken axle on a car, well you fix that. If itÕs got a problem, you fix it. But with people you donÕt fix them. You create what going to work better then
than itÕs working now. You just go
and create what you want thatÕs better for us, or for you. And just go and create it. And you donÕt
have to fix anything. Just feel
free to go create it.
Aaron: ThatÕs a different paradigm than most, than the
most Western world wants to view things.
Sal: The Western world
love solving problems and weÕre all taught that. In fact. I see resumes come over my desk
when I was in practice saying, and one thing IÕm very good at Sal, is solving
problems.
Aaron: Right.
Sal: Obviously that
didnÕt impress me because I didnÕt really believe in that that much. People still thought that was a powerful
skill to have.
Aaron: So, what would impress you more if you had
said, IÕm very good at creating solutions?
Sal: And having people
discover what they want to have in their lives. How they want their lives and to
discover them and create them, and manage them by themselves. What I said
earlier is, as we grow maybe every 10, 15 years or so, we have to recreate
ourselves a little bit because weÕve changed. So, you could say IÕve got problems with
middle-age or this or that. How do need
to be my best person, my best self, right now? And recreate yourself to that best person
and until another crisis comes where changes occur and you recreate yourself
again. And again, until you
die.
Aaron: So, thatÕs the concept? ThatÕs the basic premise of your book that
Life Solutions?
Sal: Right. You keep teaching yourself to become the
best person for the moment for what needs to be done until the next event
occurs that needs to be created again.
Aaron: So, rather than solvingÉ
Sal: And see, if
youÕre good at it, you love it, you have fun doing it, itÕs
not a chore. ItÕs not painful. ItÕs growthful
because you look at what [inaudible
26:22] my life be now. What do
I have now? WhatÕs not
working? Ok, what do I want to
have? And thatÕs the key question
now. What do I want to have now,
and then you can go ahead and identify it, and go and create.
Aaron: Interesting. I really love that concept because itÕs
so easy to get stuck in problem-solving mode.
Sal: Right. And you still may solve the problem but not
have a life and thatÕs the convincing part for me. IÕm more interested in the life than the
problem. The problem is probably like bark sloughs off a tree when itÕs no
longer needed. You create the life
you want, the problems just fade away.
Aaron: ThatÕs just really cool. Can you give me any examples of what you
didÉI mean, maybe in your own life on that recently where you had what could
have been a problem to solve and you recreated your life.
Sal: Well, for
example, when my wife got sick, I saidÉit was, I mean, I donÕt think IÕve ever
been a caregiver but when somebodyÕs got multiple myeloma, thatÕs a very
difficult cancer and it requires eventually care most of the time and day. So, I knewÉI purchased this long-term
care insurance and they sent somebody over part of the day. But it still was up to me and I said, I
can either grumble about this and suffer in it, or I can say, this is my wife whom
I love and itÕs a joy to care for her and be loving and give my best that I
have to her. And I chose the latter. Because thereÕs no point in giving
someone something weÕve got to care for and suffer in the process. Because you can easily create a joyful
journey as well. ItÕs all about how
you represent it to yourself. I
choose always to represent everything as an opportunity for me to become a
better person with it. So, there
are really no such thing as bad experiences. Because all experiences gives me the
opportunity to improve who I am, how I see things and how I live.
Aaron: I love that. I kind of live by this statement that
thereÕs just no such thing as a bad day becauseÉ
Sal: Yeah. Right. Exactly. Well, itÕs the same concept.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: ItÕs up to you
what you make it. And since youÕve
got the choice, why make it bad for yourself?
Aaron: Yeah. Yeah.
Sal: It can serve you
and have you a better human being from it. And especially, you could be of serve
to others at the same time. And it
really does work. It takes the edge
off of life. It makes life much more
joyful, much more meaningful every day and a very happy existence. And your health does better with that than
the other way.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: And you get
negative stuff out of it, painful stuff, your health begins to suffer because
somethingÕs got to pay a price. Why
should you take it out on your body like that?
Aaron: Yeah.
So, in the example of your wife, when you recreated your life, before
that you were going along doing your thing, serving people and your wife got
sick. And rather than focusingÉ
Sal: And I decided I
needed to stay home and take care of her I loved her. I wanted to be near her. And it gave me a chance to spend more
time with her in her final years. And
it worked our very good.
Aaron: But what you couldÕve done is, you could have
said, oh no, my will, my thing is I want to be of service to people and this is
a problem thatÕs getting in the way of that, so I need to fix this problem so
that I can get what I had. ThatÕs
kind of the old way. The way that
doesnÕt work so much and what youÕre saying is, instead of being so hung up on
what you had, recreate. And make
something beautiful with what you have now.
Sal: Exactly. Have it represent something good for
you. And since I had long-term care,
I could have got somebody in there all day long and I wouldnÕt have to be
there. But I wanted to be there too.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: Because she
matters to me.
Aaron: Yeah.
And so, you recreated your life to where now your life is no longer
about serving the world and serving others. You focused your attention and this is your
new life. Your new life is about serving
your wife and taking this time and being there right now. And thatÕs where you
recreated it to where now what that requires is, it sounds like, is letting go
of the old. Right?
Sal: Sure.
Aaron: I mean, itÕs likeÉ
Sal: And I tell you, I
remember conversations we had. We
talked about her dying. We talked
about how weÕd been together. It
was so wonderful. And she said to
me, very lovingly said, Sal I know you like having a partner, a woman and so,
donÕt wait too long to go find one.
Find a nice partner for yourself.
You deserve it. YouÕre a
good caregiver and you like to love someone, so donÕt wait with that. Well thatÕs easier said than done
because when youÕre 89, in some womanÕs eyes, you look like a pretty old guy. They donÕt want to get stuck taking care
of me so theyÕre going to kind of go the other way, you know what I mean,
Aaron, with that?
Aaron: IÕm sure the pool of options grow smaller at
that stage of life, right?
Sal: Yeah. Well, they donÕt want to become a
caregiver for you. Especially if
they were already for a husband of their own before. They donÕt want a second husband whoÕs
going to be taken care of.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: But I say to
them, they wonÕt have to do that because IÕm in good health and I take care of
myself quite well.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: But thereÕs no
guarantee in any of this. S, you
never know.
Aaron: Yeah, exactly.
Sal: And IÕm
fine. IÕve already accepted the
fact I may go to my dying day without having a partner. But I have a lot of women friends I
enjoy, and visit with, and see but nothing of any romantic nature of a
permanent relationship kind of thing.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: So far but who
never knows.
Aaron: Yeah, you never know.
Sal: But IÕm not going
to worry about it. IÕm just going
to enjoy life the way it comes.
ThatÕs the best to do. To
love what is.
Aaron: To love what is. I really am fascinated about your
concept of recreating your life now and letting go of the past. And I get this image in my mind, when
you said the bark sloughing off of a tree, another image would be like a snake
shedding its one skin. Or, you
know, itÕs likeÉ
Sal: [inaudible 32:20] of just following.
Aaron: Yeah.
Like if a snake was trying to hold on to his one life, his skin before,
it wouldnÕt work heÕd be frustrated.
Because heÕs holding on to this dead skin. ItÕs like our life like we were for the
last 10 years, isnÕt who weÕre meant to be today. ThatÕs what we were. And we need to let that go in order to
find the joy of whatÕs growing and creating new inside of us, right?
Sal: Yep. Very true.
Aaron: I just love that imagery and I love how just
this conversation has opened my mind to the creating of solutions and not focusing
so much on the problems but just focusing on that new solution inside.
Sal: IÕm glad you feel
that way because it makes life so much easier and a lot more joyful.
Aaron: Yeah.
I think I intuitively have lived that way but IÕve never heard it
explainedÉI mean, you just really clarified that a lot and so, I appreciate
that. ThatÕs a really beautiful way
of looking at it and IÕm really looking forward to seeing your book. So, yeah, now youÕve got one other
person here and many others IÕm sure that are listening to this call that will
want to hear of your book when itÕs done.
So, thereÕs some more motivation for you to jump on it and get that
thing done by the end of the year, right?
Sal: Yes.
Aaron: So, now I really appreciate your time and chatting
today. ThereÕre so many good
principles that weÕve discussed and IÕve learned some things that are really
valuable. I really like that imagery.
Why donÕt we wrap up. If you could just leave us with one,
maybe what your feeling is ofÉand youÕve probably expressed this throughout the
call already. Well, two things, if
thereÕs any books that you wouldÉ.
Sal: If I can reiterate a principle that
everyone can live by, itÕs just accept the fact that, itÕs really up to me to
make my life whatever I want it to be.
And you see thatÕs simple.
Once you take responsibility for having a life that you want, itÕs a
matter of then just visualizing your life that you want, seeing it in your
mindÕs eye, and go ahead and doing the things in a planful[?
34:24], meaningful way to create them.
And the way things are going to go, as you start to make a wonderful
life, your subconscious, if it has any information against what youÕre trying
to do, youÕll have to then reprogram that part of your subconscious to support
your new venture, your new direction.
Aaron: ThatÕs where the resistance will come in,
right?
Sal: Yeah, right. So you get rid of that resistance just
by repeating what you want to have.
How you want to be to yourself.
Offering up so that your subconscious mind kind of slips it, lets it in,
and begins to be changed by it. And
it really does work.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: People donÕt stay
with it that long because they want it instantly and it doesnÕt happen that long. You may have three, four, five months repetition
of something before your subconscious to finally get out of the way, and let
you go ahead and create whatÕs the wonderful thing you want to create.
Aaron: I love that. That is so exactly what IÕve experienced
with. I teach people to just decide
what they want and then affirm that every day. ItÕs like we need to create that habit
of reminding ourselves daily because if we donÕt have the habit to remember
daily, weÕll forget and weÕll get sucked right back into what our subconsciousÉ
Sal: Remember though,
Aaron, you want to have emotional feelings attached to that statement.
Aaron: Exactly.
Sal: And desire, you
have to have a burning desire for it.
Aaron: Yeah.
Sal: If you donÕt have
that, then [inaudible 35:43]
yourself.
Aaron: Yeah, if people are just repeating false
things, itÕs likeÉ
Sal: The passion and
the intensity that you want it, and believing, and having the emotions as you
say to yourself will go a long way to have it happen quicker.
Aaron: Yeah.
And thatÕs actually the critical factor. If you donÕt have any of that, itÕs really
not going to get anywhere. Words
without feelings is justÉ
Sal: ItÕs hallow. Kind of hallow wordsÉ
Aaron: ItÕs hallow. And it almost makes it worse because
then youÕre feeling this lack of integrity and hypocriticalness. ItÕs like youÕre saying stuff that you
donÕt even believe, right?
Sal: Yep. YouÕve got it.
Aaron: Yeah. ThatÕs awesome. Thanks for sharing that and wrapping
that up.
Sal: I feel very
special that you asked me and I feel very privileged. So, I thank you for the opportunity to
share my own thoughts and ideas of life with whoever wants to hear it. Thank you.
Aaron: Thank you so much for being here again,
Sal. And, again weÕll maybe follow
back up when your book is done and hopefully be able to share that with
everybody. Thanks again and have a
fantastic day.
Sal: Thank you. It sounds good. IÕll do that.