Aaron: Alright Emily, I'm so excited to have you on the phone today and I'm really, really thrilled to be introducing you to the Truly Amazing Life community and family and just Thank you for being here.
Emily: We'll am so thrilled to be speaking with you Aaron.
Aaron: Yeah. So, Emily Filloramo everybody and she is just got so much amazing-ness to her story and to her life and to what she has been through. Emily and I met in at Awesomeness Fest which was really cool. And we.. I've just been really, we didn't actually have much time to connect there, but since we've connected a lot more and I've been able to see the work that she's doing to transform people and just super impressed and excited really to discover more about it myself and to share that with you guys and for you to just see what she has, what her example of how she lives can teach the rest of us. So with that Emily, how... what makes your life truly amazing to you right now?
Emily: So right now it's really been the most amazing journey because for so long I have been just doing what everyone is supposed to be doing. Get up and go to a job, bring home the paycheck and low and behold two years ago I get the pink slip after 27 years with a pharmaceutical company. So basically had the financial security pulled out from under me and instead of looking for another job, which I tried, knowing you're 50 years old, most people don't want to hire 50 year old when these managers are 35 and saying "why do I want to be manage-ring my mother?" So anyhow, a friend of mine, put a.. planted a seed on my ear to say "you know you really meant to be launching a business..." And I'm just like 'What?!" Entrepreneurship just never even crossed my mind, but I knew that there was more of me that needed to be unleashed because as many of us have experienced, jobs can become jobs if you don't feel like you're using all of your talents. Especially when you're in corporate America, they want you to behave in a certain way, do things in a certain way, because otherwise if you don't go by what they tell you to do, you might get written up, you might get fired or what not.
Aaron: It's interesting how we can... it's really common for jobs... for us to be able to love our jobs some days and then quickly shift to just hating them. And being in misery in a job and it indicates so much about not the job per se but about the person right? that it shifts so fast because nothing necessarily changes about the job overnight but we can become so dis-hammered if you will about the job, I think that's an interesting concept but keep going...
Emily: Yeah, I understand and some of us get tied by the golden handcuffs and we just don't even have time to think about what else is possible for us. And so it's the drudgery of day in and day out. And for some people, job is perfect. You know, they move up the corporate ladder and they're using all of them no matter how everyone is meant going out on their own. So after my friend planted the bug well and said "you should launch your nutrition business." And I said 'Okay.' I know that that's my expertise so I'll do it and so I did it for about a year and a half. I took in Nutrition clients and built my program and built the platform but I knew this wasn't going to be where I was going to be hanging my hat for the next 20 years.
Aaron: How do you know that?
Emily: How have I known that? I knew it wasn't... I was able to get success while people coach with me one on one, they were able to get the successes. But then afterwards, they would fall back in to their old habit and we would start to talk about some of the stuff that contributed to their perhaps self loathing that caused them to emotionally eat. But they just weren't... they just didn't want to go there because that wasn't really the contract that we had. Because they wanted me to give them the tools to eat better. So... and I realized that, when they don't have this lasting transformation it makes me feel really icky. I know I did my part. But even if I, you know, see them or see them in a community and I said "Oh no.. they just.. it looks like they went back to their old state." I said I can't do this because it doesn't make me feel good. And I knew that I had to keep exploring other ways of getting to the root of the problem. And that's when I stumbled upon a couple of other people that sure they had some health issues but it wasn't the overriding issue in their life. The overriding issue was they were stuck. I don't know why I can't get out of my own way. Into therapy I know about myself, I know how my past contributes to who I am today but why am I still stuck? I keep replaying the old tapes and hell me! So I came across this other way of helping people transform and I got trained in it so I used NLP techniques in addition to this other technique that's transformational coaching and it's really talking to the younger parts of ourselves that hold us back. As the younger parts of ourselves have had that experiences you know maybe with bad breakup with a boyfriend or a girlfriend and that still sticks with you and you've been through therapy with it but the negative energy is still there. And so this technique actually helps people to revisit that younger part not to stew in it but let's take that negative energy and let's just release it out of your body through talking to that younger self. And you, because everybody, their higher self has the power to heal the younger parts. No one else can heal your 4 year old, 5 year old, 17 year old self except you.
Aaron: This is an interesting stuff and I want to do... I do want to dive in to more of this about what your... more about your work and what this stuff means 'cause healing younger parts through... is might... first of all, I don't fully understand what that means and I'm sure a lot of other people want to know what that means but let's skip there for a minute. Let's actually, keep telling me about, so your life like right now I kind of wanted the people to picture your life why is it so good? It sounds like it's because you are, you've shifted from you said this corporate America or this job to working for yourself and doing what you love, is that right?
Emily: Yeah... yeah. So I didn't even know... so back to that Nutrition part. So the Nutrition part, through this other people landing on my lap I realized, Oh my God! When I helped them to get the breakthrough, their lives just shifted a 180degrees. Like My God! I'm not... there's no self loathing anymore... there's no self doubt and I'm so happy and I'm never like I wake up happy and I know what my purpose is of my life and I'm not in my own way anymore. So when those things shifted and they say "oh my gosh! I love myself so much that my body doesn't... is not a good reflection on my Self image, wow! help me to like get this weight off now I want to exercise, I want to eat Barkley, I wanted to drink smoothies. So it was really connecting all the dots for people and when I was able to transform these initial people last summer into this... transform their lives 180 degrees that's when I realized, "oh my gosh this is the work that... this is the real work I am supposed to be doing. So nutrition is just a piece. We address the core issues and we help you to unconditionally love all the parts of you including the old parts then everything else will fall in to place.
Aaron: So what is that then if you now to find this path and this ability to help people on that? What is that done now for your life how you live on a daily basis and how you feel?
Emily: I feel great on a daily basis, I can't wait to get out of bed and when I get out of bed, I have like 3 or 4 sheets of papers of notes that I've taken like as I'm lying in bed. I tag some copywriting or another blog idea and then there's sheets of paper in the bathroom and it's like Oh my God... [inaudible]
Aaron: The ideas just sit there and flow through all the time you can't just stop it kind of river coming huh?
Emily: Yeah.. yeah and so I think that's what happens you know this whole... because I also tie in the Law of Attraction, and that is when you released the negative energies that have been sitting in you for a long time and you make space, you just feel lighter. This is what my clients tell me, 'I just feel lighter I don't even know how to describe it.' It just feel... and when you feel lighter the.. it just roll balls of energy and we all know when somebody is walking, walks in to a room with dark clouds over their heads like oh no get away from me whereas meeting somebody like you or other awesome people it's just like wow I really... Wow! what is it about their energies? So when you've like go and break free from the past, you're vibration changes, and then it's like a magnet you just start to draw all these people in, because it allows you through connecting the dots of your life looking backwards. You can move forward and you will figure out that the vision of where you're supposed to go when you can viscerally feel where you're supposed to go ten years down the road or who you're supposed to be then the Law of Attraction just kind of the house just get dumped on your lap.
Aaron: So for you it's kind of like all became clear you can feel this, you can say this is where I'm going, this is where I need to be going, this is what I need to do from a feeling standpoint not from like a... not from a 'oh I got this specific word in to like I didn't..' It sound like you received some statement or answer. This is more like you can just feel it that's what you wanted to do huh?
Emily: Yeah and then it all goes back to that beliefs, create your thoughts which create your feelings which creates your actions. So if you believe that you are supposed to be the leader in this personal development space in however way that you're looking at it and you feel it in your body, that wow! this is what the universe's made me, created me for me to do and when you see that vision, and we all like entrepreneur I know where I want to go, I'm not sure how exactly am I going to get there if I viscerally feel that I'm supposed to get there then the house will show up.
Aaron: And you take those actions as they come every day and you got flooded with these thoughts and inspirations, I totally relate to them. I constantly have... I use my phone 'cause I can keep it all in one place and I just always have it and its always... I'm on my inbox on my phone as always loading up with just a handful of ideas that excite me all of a sudden out of nowhere. It's like that, you just get all these ideas about what to do next, right?
Emily: Right. And just like your story of being sick and what not and you just kept telling yourself there's a bigger meaning behind this. I just wished that when I was younger and going through some of the pains that I was going through, yeah you know people would say It'll pass in and you know things will work out in the end, I just wished that there were people like me and you where they could explain the bigger picture of what's possible it's like 'you are not alone.' and please just... it'll be okay five years from now I promise, like you say the universe conspire to give you the negative experiences so eventually you're going to move forward. And so If I have those reassurances earlier in my life while I was going through some of my pains, I think it would have been easier for me to travel the journey, but you know I can't change the past [inaudible]
Aaron: And also it gave you... that brought you here for some perfect reason and you needed to have that obviously because thatÕs what you have.
Emily: Yes, exactly. And I think thatÕs the bigger message that we both want to give to the people that are listening this is that no matter where you are or how yucky your past has been because weÕve all been there.
Emily: It is to you to shift the energy of how you want to look at the past.
Aaron: Yeah. Well people, a little segway, I mean, you are an extremely happy person, just vibrant with energy and youÕre out on this just excited ignition to really change peopleÕs lives, free people from their suffering and free people from their past, challenges and enable them to be more happy and free and loving themselves and all this. But, this is not just youÕve been your whole life. So, take us back here. LetÕs actually just, I want people to understand a little bit more about who you are and what youÕve gone through because I know it pretty well. IÕve read your story on your blog and IÕve talked to you a number of times but, why donÕt you take us back to the beginning. You childhood, why how did your life start out?
Emily: Yeah. Well, in the beginning, I was born and raised in Taiwan until the age of 9 and my father came home one day, he worked in Taiwan government and said weÕre moving to America in 2 Weeks. So, our lives was just basically turned upside down and I was 9 at that time. I was the oldest of the 4 kids. And so, weÕve moved across the ocean and weÕd settled in Los Angeles for years and that was fine. My memories of that was okay. Then we had to move again to New York because thatÕs where his job got transferred and thatÕs when the lot of the bad things happened. We moved in the middle of the school year, junior high school and we were in a very minority intense neighborhood. So, there were a lot of kids that acted out from lower, middle class income and back where I went. There were very few Asians so I was the object of a lot of racial slurs. And those things just stay with you and just feeling rejected, humiliated and having nobody to talk to when I went home because, you know, my parents werenÕt that friendly to each other. And I was all (inaudible) the person that defended my mom when some of the hurts were thrown at her.
Aaron: So, your mom was emotionally abused? Or she was just not loved really? SheÕs being treated meanly?
Emily: Yeah. LetÕs just say the both of them you know, out of respect, theyÕre still alive. I donÕt think they could access this interview but, out of respect itÕs because they were both wounded in their respect. And through the work that I do now, I understand why these things happen because when thereÕs conflict and tension in the home. ItÕs because both of those people are not acting from their highest compassion loving selves because theyÕve been wounded in the past.
Aaron. Yeah. But, so, the point though is that there was not a loving environment, the super loving environment and you didnÕt really have anybody to talk about your pains that youÕre going through your school that you feeling completely alone and rejected and bullied and.
Emily: Yes. And so, that identity stays with you and just feeling like the ugly duckling because I didnÕt have the right clothes, I just didnÕt. When you donÕt feel good, you donÕt look good. And just walking around with a sour face, you know, I didnÕt had braces at the time where everybody else were getting braces so my crooked teeth were more obvious to more people. So, just one rejection built upon another. And nobody asked me out the senior prom and you know, all that stuff. And so, I knew that my ticket out of misery was to go to college.
Aaron. So throughout high school and middle school, you were just kind of suffering? And (inaudible) not happy?
Emily: No. Thinking back, I think all I want to do was just please. I just want to die because there was not a loving atmosphere for me to go to. ItÕs like, why am I here? Why was I born if you canÕt even afford me? ThatÕs what I used to say to my parents all the time.
Aaron: Yeah. So this is throughout your teen years?
Emily: ItÕs throughout my teen years. Yeah.
Emily: And even when I went away to college, I didnÕt talk about my past a lot because you know there were a lot of wealthier or more middle class people in college and itÕs like I want to fit in, I want to try to be as American as possible and you know that. They call it Asian Banana, yellow on the outside but youÕre white on the inside. ItÕs like I lost my accent at that time. But then, that humiliation and that rejection still piled up on top of one another. And, I was still made fun of especially when I would be at fraternity parties and I would overhear conversations of that, look at that China girl. I was like, oh my God, here we go again. And, well even though the college experience was a whole lot better than junior high school and I really love my experience like up until now. There were still moments of bad things happening. And so, which was just replay of some of the earlier years because kids pick up on that you donÕt really feel good about yourself.
Aaron: Yeah. So it was better than being at home and it sounds like your life had improved to a point a little bit?
Emily: Yes. Yes. It definitely had improved a bit but it was difficult to still go home so I would stay in upstate New York. So, and then after college, I got myself a job and never went back and I just kind of just swept everything under the rug. I barely communicated with my family.
Aaron: Is there anger there or was there resentment or was there.
Emily: Absolutely. Anger, resentment, you know what, I was just like. Even when I got married when I was 26 and I told my husband, I donÕt want a wedding, I donÕt want my family there, I donÕt want my father walk me down that isle.
Aaron: Yeah. No love going on.
Emily. No, no, no, a wedding would be torture for me and so I got married to my thing and then, lonely road at 29 and my (inaudible) 2x4 hit me and that was my husband suffered a massive heart attack when I was 5 Months pregnant.
Aaron: Woah, yeah, thatÕs pretty big.
Emily: And I said, really? Only 29? I thought this doesnÕt happen after youÕre 60 Years old. My husband was 38 at the time and he was fit and healthy supposedly and bam, that was his first symptom of heart attack. And here I am pregnant, 5 Months pregnant and he keeps having chest pains and he ends up over the course of 10 Years, (inaudible) and a quadruple bypass surgery.
Emily: And here I am the nutritionist trying to council him on, you know, if you change your dietary drastically, you can actually reverse heart disease.
Aaron: So, you were a nutritionist even back, all the way back then?
Emily: Yeah, yeah. I studied nutrition in college.
Aaron: Okay. Got you.
Emily: Yeah. And IÕve been aware of the literature of reversing the holistic literature on reversing heart disease to a (inaudible).
Emily: But of course, who listens to thier spouse? Especially when it comes to food.
Aaron: Yeah. And that was an interesting challenge I would say.
Emily: And so my resentment grew because he wasnÕt listening to me. And here I am raising a kid and with a precious fulltime job and I was like, okay, are you going to drop dead on me? You leave me a widow and I never have the option of quitting work.
Aaron: So, what would you cook healthy food and then he would just not eat it or he would just eat all these stuff when he wasnÕt around you or what?
Emily: Yeah. I mean, he will eat some of what I cooked but then, he just didnÕt want to listen about sugars or whatever he was eating. HeÕs just doesnÕt contribute to health. He doesnÕt read any of that stuff and I bought him books and none of it got cracked open. And so it was 15 Years after the heart, 15 Years after that the initial heart attack when he was so sick and tired of being sick and tired that he had to hire, he hired 2 other nutritionists essentially on the same thing that I.
Aaron: ItÕs funny how we do that as humans why do we do that stuff. ItÕs sitting right in front of our faces but we canÕt accept it because we are too you know, blind to whatever is in front of our eyes and thatÕs a really fascinating thing that happens huh.
Emily: I know. And so, all the while, while this was going on. So I kept saying, whatÕs the bigger meaning behind all this you know, my husband having a heart attack which was not suppose to happen, he doesnÕt travel, got massive GI issues. HeÕs fine now, he just has a massive gastrointestinal issues where I donÕt, heÕs had to like stop, get the pilot to like land the plane in another city to go to a hospital. It happens so, there is PTST on his part of (inaudible)getting on an airplane. I just go places. He wonÕt get out of a plane. ItÕs a whole other story. And you just have to accept it for what it is. And so all along, what weÕve had been doing is with me, but my misery not understanding that. Sweeping everything under the rug showed up in other ways because when you donÕt, thereÕs that quote, when you donÕt make peace with your past, it shows up in the present. And it shows up, my addiction was shopping. I was like just buying stuff to try to help me to feel good, high, wow and then, you go crashing down later. I thought having a great job, I thought having stuff, I thought having praise was going to make me happy.
Aaron: So, a job, stuff and praise. You thought that was the thing that would get to your happiness?
Emily: Yeah. And I think many of us are probably guilty of that thinking if we just did this, just did that, told that world.
Aaron: Well, if you are approving everybody in high school that you were good enough right? That you were successful, that you could buy stuff because you never had these stuff in high school and that you could get praised because you got rejected and ridiculed in high school. It seems all these things back from what, right? ThatÕs like what you were really seeking, that was thing that brought you so much deep misery then. So clearly, those are the things that solved that and give you happiness right? ThatÕs what youÕd automatically thought.
Emily: Yes. Well, but, I didnÕt know that that was how it was turning out because I have.
Aaron: Yeah. You didnÕt know thatÕs why you were doing these things.
Emily: Exactly. Because society and advertising tells us, when you buy this thing, itÕs suppose to be happy.
Aaron: Well then, itÕs very common. I mean, thatÕs just the most classic thing. We all, as humans, we tend to think that that thing will make us happy when nothing makes you happy. Happiness can only come within you. We know that. I mean, you know that now. But, itÕs interesting to see that you are in that phase. You had found that stuff and then, what were you were going to say beyond that you thought that that would make you happy, but then what? I guess thatÕs the thing. Were you unfulfilled? How are you feeling at this time when you had all these stuff?
Emily: I guess I was just walking, sleep walking. You just kind of sleep walk through life. Okay, this is what everybody do. You buy stuff and you go places and you brag about.
Aaron: Would you say you were happy?
Emily: No. I mean, on the happiness, truly happy? Compared to what I feel now. No, no, no way.
Aaron: Did you go through moments of sadness or emptiness? When you say you werenÕt happy, what were you then?
Emily: I guess emptiness, a lot of emptiness. And so, here is the next thing that happened.
Aaron: In your emptiness, you said that sleep walking. So, itÕs almost like, you missed the whole thing. You were like, you were asleep because you just kept numbing yourself with shopping and praise and all these things. So, itÕs not like you notice yourself being happy, youÕre just living in a state of blah, like living in a state of death basically. YouÕre not really alive, youÕre just kind of getting through life through stuffing yourself with one more thing to fill the void.
Emily: Yes, exactly. And then, in corporate America, you know I couldnÕt, I really felt like I couldnÕt let all of me out. But sometimes I could get a little edgy and I just like, letÕs me bite my tongue and so some people, since I was in sales I was alone most of the day. I called on customers and we would get together once a month or every other month for the meetings and when IÕm in a collective group of people, we were the bunch of sales people and a manager, a lot of sales people are very extroverted. And, when IÕm in a group, when thereÕs so many people trying to put their sense in, I tend to step back. ItÕs like, IÕll let those people lime, I donÕt need the lime light. So, I think a lot of them just thought, oh sheÕs typical introverted Asian that doesnÕt (inaudible) and feathers. And so, that was kind of I think for a lot of people, that was probably the image they have of me. But then, what happened is that managerÕs sales people would ride along with me and spend the day with me and after they spend the day with me and we talked about deep stuff because when you know, when youÕre spending 8 Hours with someone, you know, we also talk about work and at the end of the day, theyÕre like, oh my gosh, I feel like I know a totally different person. Because in a company meeting situation, you know, meetings all day, you do role plays, whatever it is. You donÕt really get a chance to do 1 on 1 alone time with everybody because youÕre always in a group. Yeah. So, itÕs interesting how you know, when they got to know the real me, it is much deeper than what they saw in a corporate meeting, it was like, wow, I never knew that about you. And I said, well yeah, thereÕs a vulnerable part of me. And I have this, you think that IÕm just this perfect Asian that studied hard and does her thing. But thereÕs a painful side to me when I share vulnerable parts, I, woah, you know, you just look like you have it all. You look like the picture of success. And so I think a lot of us look at all the people like, what is she or he have to complain about? It looked like they have it all, they got the nice house, the nice children, they take vacations, they must be happy.
Aaron: ThatÕs so true. That is such a common thing when people donÕt feel happy themselves and start to look around, see that everybody else has everything and compare ourselves and it makes us feel worse. Even though that person sitting there, youÕre sitting here going through this emptiness. YouÕre like the smiling emptiness right? I mean, they donÕt even have what you want and yet thatÕs making you feel worse.
Aaron: Very funny.
Emily: I know. And so, they are situations in my 40s. This is another lesson for people, people can learn from this. I canÕt go into the details of the situation because legally IÕm not allowed to, but somebody, emotionally hurt me and it was a situation where I couldnÕt stand up for myself. And I ended in a depression and a panic attack. I just could not, the thought of oh my God, I had to get up, not that I even had to face this person every day, but just the energy of wow, I have to deal with this person and it threw me into panic attack an anxiety and I just couldnÕt speak up for myself and it was just illuminating on every little thing that he would say or do and then my husband was like, what? YouÕre so bent out of shape for this situation. Just say what you need to say but I couldnÕt say it. So, over a year, what I felt was emotional torture and then eventually he threw me into a bad depression where I had to take a 3 Month mental leave from work.
Emily: And they wanted to get the 3 Month mental leave, they say, youÕve got to go to a psychiatrist lady. Otherwise, weÕre not going to give you a leave. And then so I did and the psychiatrist diagnosed me with depression and PTST then anxiety the first thing that she said to me was, what drama are you reliving your childhood from this situation? And I said, huh? ItÕs that guyÕs fault. He is like torturing me. And sheÕs just like, he might be in his own misery but, itÕs not his fault that you feel the way that you do and that youÕre depressed now. And I said, itÕs not? She said, you are repaying something from the past. What the heck is it? Then the light bulb went off and then I said, oh my God. I am replaying my trauma that IÕve witnessed at home. You know, this person was acting like my father and I was acting like my helpless mother. ThatÕs why I couldnÕt speak up for myself. So, because thatÕs the half of my childhood. And so what she did was she sent me to, she said you know what? I can do something like Eye Movement Rapid (inaudible), EMDR to get you through this trauma. But, itÕs going to be even faster if I send you to hypnotist. I said, oh okay. Alright, so I went to the hypnotist. I donÕt know, she got me into that state and we actually re-parented myself over pre-natal trauma because she kept trying to go to deeper and deeper, the earlier, the earlier, the source of the original trauma of why I didnÕt feel loved or worthy and it turned out to be that it was. Well, I was the oldest of 4 kids. Asian society, youÕre suppose to have boys and my grandmother would tell my mother, you got to keep having children until you produce sons. And thatÕs what I remember. It was me, then my sister and then my 2 brothers. And so, when I see this picture of my mother with her 8th month pregnant belly with me, I said, I felt the emotion of her, please let this be a boy. So, the hypnotist actually brought me back to that memory and I had to re-parent my pre-natal self to say itÕs not your fault that you didnÕt feel loved and worthy at this point because this is the society, this is the legacy burden. And you are lovable, you are worthy Emily. IÕm going to give you all the loves and the hugs you need and of course, IÕm under hypnosis and I could feel, itÕs so weird, itÕs like an out of body experience and I could just feel the tears coming down. And that, I remember leaving that session and something really shifted because now IÕm not, I was like, wow, I am lovable, I am whole, I am worthy, because I just said that to myself. And she didnÕt prepare me on thatÕs whatÕs going to happen but thatÕs what happened. And so, we went through some other sessions and talked about several other events and thatÕs what healed me of my depression and anxiety.
Aaron: How quickly did they heal you?
Emily: Well. In terms of shifting, I was able to shift out of that negative energy. I would say maybe, after 2 or 3 sessions and I was on anti-depressants and so, obviously I couldnÕt you know, stop cold turkey. It took me about a year to try to get rid of that. But I understood the source where that came from and what I had to do was also step into the shoes of my parents and especially my father to feel where he was coming from and why he was acting the way that he was and to really forgive him.
Emily: And so, one of my home work assignments with the psychiatrist was you have to write this forgiveness letter to your father that youÕre not going to mail and this is during my time off from work and so, I just couldnÕt do it, couldnÕt do it, and then at that time my best friend was visiting me from London and so I said, do you have to help me write this letter because I canÕt type this out. And as I am saying this stuff, sheÕs typing it out on the computer and just the tears, I couldnÕt stop crying. My body was just shaking.
Aaron: You were feeling the forgiveness that you wrote to him or youÕre just feeling?
Emily: Yeah. I forgive you for the memories that I have. I know you were in your own pains and I know you didnÕt know any better even though you know, I didnÕt feel loved and youÕd never care about me and all of that stuff. I canÕt believe itÕs like bringing emotions into me.
Aaron: ItÕs deeply impactful. Important thing is, clear why it was impacting your whole life beyond this so much because every time youÕd bring yourself back to this, you feel it so deeply right?
Emily: Yeah, because itÕs the root of, IÕm not lovable, IÕm not worthy because before the age of 6, our brains, delta and theta, which means, weÕre in a hypnotic trance. So, thatÕs what hypnosis is, it brings you into a delta and theta state. Where hypnotize can do weird things on stage. And so, imagine growing up, everything that happens to you is taken in literally and that is the basis of negative core beliefs that you may not even know you have.
Aaron: That is interesting because kids are so literalized. I have 4 of them and they are young. 2 of them are still under the 6 and I totally understand what youÕre talking about. They just, everything processes literally, it seems like, with them.
Emily: Exactly, exactly. And so, that was the source of my, of not feeling worthy and lovable. And if you told me, if somebody said, you feel this way and letÕs say, IÕm in my 30s or something as IÕm in this loop of buying stuff and doing stuff, that I could tell people that okay, IÕm just like you. See, I could afford the stuff now. Look, I had lived in a nice house now. DonÕt reject me anymore because rich kids used to reject me and if somebody says, you know, the source of why youÕre doing that is youÕre self loathing, self out and then youÕre not worthy like, huh? And so, we donÕt even know that, some of us donÕt know that weÕre not, that we feel weÕre not lovable because thatÕs been buried on our psyche, past wounds and so, this hypnotist and the psychiatrist helped me to realize thatÕs what that was. But you know, that wasnÕt, it helped me to heal but itÕs still, I wasnÕt, I still didnÕt feel that I was in that happy, happy state because of the pressures of the job, because I really wasnÕt expressing who I was and it literally took a layoff to give me my wake up call. And of course, in the first year, a year and a half after that layoff, I was building a business, I was feeling happier because now IÕm on my own. I donÕt have to report to anybody, I make my own decisions. So that started to bring out the happiness and so, I just had to keep doing things. You know, there was several melt downs that I had. As you know with building any business, youÕre going to run into speed bumps because you got to fail many, many times before you actually have this (inaudible) have these many different things. And so, through my journey in the last year and a half of just doing the nutrition thing and then you know, revolving into this success and joy now, space, it helped me, it was the universeÕs saying, you have to start with the nutrition field because thatÕs what you know because you know that, you know whatÕs going to make you different and the other Ōlife coachesĶ is that, youÕre going to address the real issue and then you could also guide them through the nutrition piece. So, thatÕs why your whole life makes it special.
Emily: So now, everything, all the hardships of working 12 Hour days in the last year and a half has all paid off.
Aaron: Yeah. ThatÕs cool. And it seems like you, I mean, there is this shift with your depression, that moment when you were able to forgive your parents and you have to relive this moment and re-give yourself love as an infant and even as a pre-natal person right? But you made these shifts and still, thatÕs consistent with whatever philosophy people that have suffered through deep depression and these issues especially if youÕve been on medication. That it takes time to work through, itÕs not like this instant thing that you can just jump about but it still requires time but that those shifts are important. It sounds like that you had re-work through patience and diligence still be on to that right?
Emily: Yeah, exactly. And I think psycho therapy would benefit just so many people even if you know, no, IÕm not crazy. WeÕre not saying youÕre crazy, all of us really need to understand our past in order to move forward and so, I encourage before people work with me, I said, I had to make sure you are psychologically stable and healthy and if youÕve never really explored the past of why you are the way you are then, I would encourage you to go to psychotherapy first before you even hire a life coach like me because what I do is really not going to stick, IÕm not going to be effective if you donÕt understand who you are. And the incidence is that I have affected that made you the way you are. And so, itÕs not my job to kind of revisit the past with you, to keep returning to those negative memories. ThatÕs best for you to be done to a health professional. That when youÕre ready to take it the next step and say, well, now what? Now that I understand some of the things that happened to me, how do I take that information? And take it to the next level. So, this is all about letting go of that residual stuff, the ick so you leap forward and make something and turn your lemons into lemonade.
Aaron: Yeah. I like it. ItÕs really cool. WeÕll thanks for taking us through that. A lot of really cool lessons for people throughout that of what youÕve went through and that was fantastic. So, maybe, letÕs go back to what your work is, what youÕre excited about now and talk a little bit more about that and how that can impact people perhaps.
Emily: Yeah. So, the work that I do now, that I feel like I channeled here to do and itÕs really an awesome feeling, the day that youÕve discovered that this is why you were born. I think it was less found that I said, the 2 of the most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you discovered why you were born.
Emily: And usually, the day youÕve discovered why you were born doesnÕt happen when youÕre 20 Years Old, for most people. I mean, some people know why they were born. But I think thatÕs more of the exception than the rule. So, when you actually shift your story, and Steve Jobs says, you could connect the dots of your life looking backwards. And so, IÕve connected all my dots and now IÕm so thankful for all my negative experiences because I wouldnÕt be doing all the work that I do if IÕve not gone through all the negative experiences. And so, IÕm here to inspire people and say, you donÕt have to stay in your story. I was staying in my story and I didnÕt even know it. And I was trying to put a band-aids of shopping and just trying to soothe the hurt. I think that thatÕs the ticket to happiness. And so what I want to do is to bridge the gap for people that, after theyÕve had psychotherapy, theyÕre well, and here they are, theyÕre investing in all sorts of self help development seminars. Just so many different techniques that are so useful and thereÕs just this missing piece of just unloading the negative energy, the negative ick from that (inaudible) thing that hold you back and really confidently stepping into the real you because the real you for some of us, is buried underneath, all of these wounded parts of us that keep holding us back. So, thatÕs the work the I do is to like, letÕs talk to some of these parts that are still holding you back from your greatness that keeps sabotaging you every time you want to get healthier, every time you want to move forward professionally, you get stopped. Who do I think I am? What they think of me, I donÕt deserve this. Well, letÕs talk to those parts who are giving you doubts and letÕs give it what it needs. Give your higher self that power to give the reassurances to those younger parts of you. Just say, itÕs going to be okay, you know, it wasnÕt your fault that dad divorced mom. You thought itÕs your fault but itÕs not. He was in his own misery. You know, you get to talk to that person and give it a new memory instead of you remembering dad walking out of the house the day of that divorce with that suitcases in hand. Now you could say, he had to do what he had to do and I have a new memory of picking up little Johnny, 5 Year Old who is in my arms now and heÕs safe with me. And so, I donÕt need to feel bad about myself. Now, I feel sorry. Now, I end up having, after you write forgiveness letter to that whoever it is that hurt you, you end up having so much compassion for that person because you understand what pains they must have been going through.
Aaron: Yeah. I loved what you say there with compassion and what that does for your feeling of this and the life that that gives in you. I mean, it kind of throughout this full circle. Now, at the beginning we talked about what your life is like right now and how you feel good in taking, you get this flood with inspiration on that particular piece. Did that kind of stuff ever happened to you before? Where you ever in that state where you just loving, getting up in the morning and just getting flooded with inspiration? That never did huh?
Emily: No. I mean, everyday IÕm like, oh my God, please give me like 48 Hours in the day. I have so much to do but I donÕt mind doing but here I am at the computer at 10 OÕclock at night because I just got to make it. Because itÕs not a job, this is a calling for me. And with the calling, itÕs not a job.
Aaron: And now, you would work all day and you have to put yourself away in order to make sure you take care of all the parts that you going to be and all that, right? And so, that you donÕt overdo it.
Aaron: ThatÕs how I am too, I have to live a balanced life, health life, as in family and bring all the things into order and so even though I get so excited about certain aspects when I am in them. You know, thereÕs always this time, you need to, not give too much time to any one particular area because then it becomes excess of whatever it is. ThatÕs an interesting balance strike in life as well. But, itÕs really cool to hear that youÕre transformation. To see what brought you through that and I think it would be interesting to potentially on a follow up call or an extension of this call to discuss deeper more to show some of these people what this stuff looks like and how you work with people, just to maybe give people more clarity on how they can actually change some of the stuff. But I guess just kind of wrap this piece. Can you just give us one final, your final thoughts here today as weÕre discussing the topic of living a truly amazing life in which you shifted from youÕve discovered what that means in order to live this compassionate, loving full. Not walking through life empty and just kind of your final, what one thing do you do or whatÕs the main take away that you want to leave people the most important thing you think to get on that path to living the truly amazing life?
Emily: The most important thing that I would like people to think about is can you look yourself in the mirror and say, I truly love you with all my heart, love and accept you with compassion, youÕre just the best thing since life spread because thatÕs whatÕs going to enable you to really take risks and jump and be confident that youÕre going to be caught on the way down because thatÕs where happiness is. Happiness is when you take risks, when you go into the unknown. And youÕre able to go into the unknown because you absolutely love all parts of you and if you donÕt love all parts of you, everything about you. That is a sign that thereÕs stuff going on in the background that needs to be addressed. Just like I talked to my pre-natal self and other younger parts of me that were hurt and gave it the love that it needed, the assurances that I never got and now my new image of myself is that of love and compassion that I am lovable, that I am worthy, that I am enough, that I could do great things. If thatÕs going to be one of the major key to transforming yourself into a life where youÕre going to be unstoppable.
Aaron: So, just to really learning deeply, deeply love yourself?
Emily: Yes. And to understand, you canÕt love yourself where the source of that is. And thatÕs actually a gift that I have on my website that people can download. And that is if you go to successandjoynow.com, thereÕs a report that, 3 steps to instantly eliminate the old baggage so that you could be happy and live to your potential.
Emily: IÕm helping you to think about the sources of whatÕs holding you back.
Aaron: Yeah. ThatÕs a great offer to think. Thanks for putting that out there. So, I really can go to successandjoynow.com and you can put your name over there and get that resource tool to be able to access the situation and see how Emily might be able to out. Thank you for that Emily.
5:36 - I donÕt know why I cannot get out of my own way.
10:28 – The vision of where youÕre suppose to go.
14:21 - Why donÕt you take us back to the beginning. You childhood.
19:22 – Anger and Resentment.
23:37 – When you donÕt make peace with the past, it shows up in the present.
28:37 - You think IÕm just this perfect Asian that does her thing.
31:43 - ItÕs not his fault that you feel that way that you do and that youÕre depressed now.
35:43 - YouÕre feeling the forgiveness as you wrote to him
41:03 - Go to psychotherapy first before you even hire a life coach
43:53 - ThereÕs just this missing piece of unloading the negative energy, the negative Ick.