“Those days have gone…I feel uncertainty now”
Wow…this email from my new friend Chau could not have been better timed.
Check it out and I’ll explain:
Hi Aaron, 🙂
I can’t help smiling when you said people felt annoyed when you keep feeling happy while they were not! This reminds me of myself two years ago. I was a TRULY HAPPY one… I felt so peaceful and everything else so lovely that I kept smiling and looking everything in totally different way from others.
My dear friends told me that I was crazy in its very best meaning 🙂 That period lasted for about 3 months after I met some lovely new friends… they showed me their love, their passion, helped me finding my own confidence… Now I wish I can be that crazy again… 🙂
Those days have gone… I feel uncertainty now. I know I have to change, I must do something to lighten up my own path, I just don’t know how…
I try somethings new, new challenges, new books, try to be strong to face up with all the unexpected things that just pop-up in my life… And it does not bring on sufficient kick that I expected. And I’m tired of trying now.
I hope we would be pen-pals. 🙂
Last week I was feeling off.
We all go through cycles you know? Despite the fact that I teach every day that this is a truly amazing life, and I do see life as truly amazing, I don’t ALWAYS feel 100% amazing.
I doubt if anyone does.
So to Chau, and everyone else dealing with the oscillations of life and wanting to feel amazing, excited, passionate, and energized again…
..to all those of us who want that blissful state of joy back in our lives and hearts that was once there and now for some reason seems to have gone missing…
…I’ll share my ramblings from yesterday.
Because I know what happens when other people share their raw truth with me…
…it opens my eyes and heart.
I gain insight into myself.
I am in a private Facebook group of inspiring entrepreneurs who share complete raw truth with each other and it is very impactful to me, in a good way.
So that is what I intend to re-create here.
I will share my truth to you without a filter.
I will do my best to not hold back, and not sugar coat it.
And I encourage you to do the same. Here’s an open ramble from my mind for you: (feel free to unsubscribe if this is too raw for you…I really only want people in my life who are OK with the real me.)
November 17, 2013 – Sunday – Flailing. Tired. Grasping. Seeking
Eating gluten free toast & jam? What the? From perfect diet – complete control – no issues or challenges for months – even amidst crazy extreme rigidity – to now just completely (well not completely) letting go and just following my taste buds.
What the heck?
It doesn’t feel good.
And mentally & emotionally it sucks.
Don’t feel like myself.
Not capable of smiling freely and deeply – not loving my kids as I want to – not living a truly amazing life? Do I feel pressure to be living a TAL for others? Am I not living a TAL?
I still see life as truly amazing.
But I am suddenly struggling to live the 12 pillars.
I know the joy that’s possible when living those ways. So why do I feel incapable of living them right now?
Of course I want joy!
And ‘supposedly’ I know the way to live in joy.
But I feel discouraged. Disheartened. Disappointed in myself.
What happened to the overwhelming love, acceptance, forgiveness, & compassion I had for myself?
And that flowed out effortlessly to others?
What happened to the confidence, peace & ease I flowed through life with.
It’s like I’ve been unplugged from my source of power.
I’m like a flashlight going dim like my batteries are nearing empty or something. Like I just want to click off the power and go to sleep – like maybe that will recharge me.
I just came back from an amazing trip where I was surrounded for an entire week by huge thinking, big-hearted, world changers. It was inspiring and energizing to be with them.
So what happened to me?
Would have thought I’d be riding higher than ever on the loving energy.
It was one of the most loving community of inspiring people I have ever been a part of.
[It’s called Awesomeness Fest – put on by the amazing Visionary Vishen Lakhiani of Mindvalley.com]
And now I feel drained – and I have felt that sporadically all week.
And how will I find myself again now?
I miss me.
I miss the courage.
I miss the faith.
I miss the peace and confidence.
I miss the self-control.
Where did it go?
I miss my children.
I miss my beautiful wife.
I can seem them all right now. The kids are playing right behind me – enthralled in their make-believe on the trampoline. My wife is just in the other room meeting with some friends.
But I’m not with them.
My heart is apart.
It’s like I’m not even here.
I want to be in their game – but it’s not as simple as just going out and playing with them. I need to find my way there.
Somehow. Through this pen – from my mind – onto paper – somehow I will find myself.
I will remember. I will forgive. I need a mirror.
*[grabbed a mirror and checked in with myself for a few minutes]
Once I find me I will be able to play. Because I’m playful! Loving. Happy.
But I’ve gone missing it seems.
I think I’m coming back though.
The mirror helps.
This exploration helps.
I think I lost my connection with the loss of my routine for the past 2 weeks.
I thrive on my morning re-charge routine. And I have missed that consistency for 2 weeks now.
My daily sessions with me are my re-charge.
They fill me up.
I feel myself running on empty and it makes sense now considering this vacancy in my routine.
Clearly without recharging I am running low. This is re-charging me. I’m feeling the connection grow stronger as I write.
I feel better.
Allowing tears definitely helped.
What next? Review my vision. Then write my next steps. then go play with my kids – I’m missing the fun and their life, but I’m almost back!
Control. Let go of these things.
Food. Email. Facebook. Web.
I will not touch these things the rest of today..
I declare myself free this instant from the bondage of these tethers.
They have held me in their grasp too much this week.
they have closed my connection to me.
Grasping – reaching – always external – instead of going inside for peace – which is the only way to find it.
So I’m done. Today – the rest of the day I am here.
and not to the internet.
And my family.
What a difference writing can make!
That night I felt empowered again…the result was a consistent upswing throughout the evening in my feeling of confidence and happiness as I kept that simple commitment to myself to stay present and avoid my ‘escape routes’.
We never arrive do we? Life continues to be there for us each day to teach us and give us space to grow.
I’m grateful to be on the journey with you.
Your friend –
P.s. – I’ve been thinking about creating a private/paid ‘Truly Amazing Life Facebook group’ to expand on this and create a space for us all as a community to support each other in the journey of living amazingly and finding joy daily.
I want to continue the creation of the other 11 modules of 5 Minute mental mastery (1 for each of the 12 pillars) and provide it to members of the group, so that we can support each other and share experiences and help each other live amazingly.
I think I’ll call it the Truly Amazing Mastermind…
What do you think? Reply and let me know! I love hearing from you. Or do you have any ideas to add to that?
Until then, Make Today Amazing!