Resentment and forgiveness when it’s super close to home

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I want to share a brief conversation with you on an important topic: Forgiveness.

This is actually the topic we’ll be focusing on for the entire month of March for all 5 Minute Mental Mastery members…so it’s great timing to address this question from one of our TAL Family members:

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“Dear Aaron,

I am member of 5MMM since August and I have learned a lot.

I learned that there is a way to become master of my own life and I am practicing that everyday especially by repeating my affirmations and remembering who I am.

I am looking forward every day to your emails and I listen and read them with joy. You help me to look more positively and be more grateful for what I have. So for all these reasons I thank you thousand times.

However, there is one thought that is bothering me. As much as I want to be happy and be master of my own life, at the same time I feel opposite for my Ex.

Even though I repeated to myself that I have forgiven him for what he has done to me, I can’t help but to wish him to be sad.Not that he is sad right now, he moved on and enjoys his life.

I know as a person I should forgive and not be jealous of others but I can’t help it when it comes to him.

Do you think that all the efforts and time I have spent to live a truly amazing life are just a sham and I am just lying to myself all these months?

Am I in denial about my current situation?

Thank you Aaron, for all your help!”

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I think a discussion on forgiveness is always in order…

…Because daily forgiveness is the most liberating practice I’m aware of. Here’s my response.

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“My question to start with is this: Do you fully and completely forgive yourself?

Forgiveness is no easy thing…for ourselves or for others. In fact it may be one of the most humbling and trying things we will face in life.

But it is also the most fulfilling, freeing, and fortifying things we will ever do.

Don’t expect it to come overnight. Sometimes it will…and with practice it comes easier…

…But with deep personal wounds, time is often required.

The closer a person is, the harder it is to forgive.

That is also true of self forgiveness…think about it…

You are closest to yourself than anyone else!

Have you ever betrayed yourself? Lied to yourself? Treated yourself unkindly? Berated yourself? Done things to damage yourself even though you know you didn’t want to, and could clearly see you were damaging yourself, but felt powerless to stop it?

For example: overeating, under-eating, damaging drugs, excessive alcohol, or other self-destructive things?

If so, then welcome to the ‘Human Being Club’ of which we are all card-carrying members. The great news is you are aware of your human-ness and not in denial or thinking only ‘they’ have issues.

We have all hurt ourselves at some point and to some degree. The question is…do you forgive yourself?

My challenge to you is to forgive yourself first.

My guess is that once you find that deep, unconditional forgiveness and love for yourself – it will unlock the door to your ability to love and forgive any other person…

…yes…even your Ex.

I don’t know this for a fact for you…but in my own personal experience…when I feel hatred, annoyance, impatience, or resentment toward other people…

…It’s generally a reflection on the outside of how I feel toward myself inside.

It’s hard to give love you don’t have.

Forgiveness is unconditional love.

I would bet a lot of money that if you find a deep and abiding love and forgiveness for yourself – forgiveness of your Ex will flow naturally and effortlessly.

Do I think you’re lying to yourself?

Absolutely not!

Is this a truly amazing life?

Absolutely yes!

Are you in denial?

It doesn’t sound like you are to me. It sounds like you are in pain and the bondage of resentment. But you can and you will be free of it.

We all feel that pain at some point. I sometimes feel like a complete fraud and a liar when my head says that life is amazing and my heart screams out in pain and despair and self-loathing because of my weakness.

But the truth is the truth:

– You are amazing.

– Life is a gift.

– Everything will pass and joy will always return.

– Everything is conspiring for your benefit. Somehow. Even this.

I have zero doubt of any of that and it’s equally applicable to you as it is to me and every other person on earth.

If you struggle to forgive…just do your best. Say “I want to forgive, but it’s hard!”

Start with forgiving yourself…then say, “I forgive him too!”

If it feels fake…to yourself or to him…just try it again. Keep trying it every day. One day with persistence you will feel real forgiveness…tears will most likely pour out of you…and you will be free!

Forgiveness is the only way to true freedom and joy.

Ask your own heart to open itself to forgiveness. Ask God if that feels right to you. Humble yourself. Accept where you are, but trust and believe that forgiveness will come, and keep trying.

I believe in you.”

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If you are struggling to forgive yourself…or anyone else…

…Don’t give up.

Make today amazing. Even if that means you simply did your best to try to forgive today.

-Aaron

P.S. – To join us for a month of liberating focus on the habit of forgiveness in March register as a member here

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