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Re-building From Nothing??

In some ways perhaps I am building from nothing.  But it’s more accurate to say I’m Building On Everything!

Today I am a free man.

My home care nurse came over for the last time today and discharged me.  She pulled the IV line out of my arm that I was using for nutrition and hydration support up until last week.

I put on my running clothes for the first time in nearly 3 months today.  I’ve got some new accessories now though, I also strapped on my ostomy bag support belt (for the bag connected to my stomach to catch the waste since I don’t have a large intestine anymore).

Then I stepped out into the gorgeous, sunny, crisp winter morning and I ran.

It felt amazing.  Then my left knee hurt and I walked.  Then I stopped to rub it out.  Then I ran more.  Then I cried uncontrollably as I kept running; looking at the sun, and the sky, and the jet streams, and the flatirons, and feeling my heart pounding, and feeling so immensely blessed to be alive, and to be running, and to have excitement for life again.

My body is weak.  I was able to do exactly ZERO pull-ups and ZERO push-ups today.  And it took me 17 minutes to complete my one mile running loop.  4 months ago I ran a one mile race in 4 minutes and 37 seconds.

So am I starting from scratch?  I could look it at like that…but I’m not going to.  Sure I need to rebuild and re-strengthen my muscles and my heart and lungs need to start doing some work again.  But I have a base of muscle memory, and knowledge, and experience that hasn’t gone anywhere.   All of which I am now building on.  This 3 month break and the accompanied 35 pound reduction in weight I believe will turn out to benefit me as a runner.  Less weight means less work on my legs, lungs, and heart after all.  And my strength is coming back a lot faster than my weight, which only means good things as a runner.

So this morning marks the renewal of the pursuit of my goal of running a 4:20 mile and a 2:30 marathon.  It will take time, but it feels so good to be working toward a goal again, and to have hope and excitement back in my life.

Emotionally I’m building again also.

And so is my family.

The disease and surgery and debilitating pain I have gone through, and the near month I spent in the hospital, all combined to really attack me and my family emotionally.  I found myself in the depths of despair and depression at times.  It was the first time in my life I had experienced such intensely negative feelings and the desire to be dead.  And I wasn’t alone.  My eight year old son slipped into emotional instability and depression needing to be pulled out of school while I was hospitalized.

And my poor wife was certainly not immune from the overwhelm, anxiety, and emotional challenges of having a newborn, a husband missing in action and fearing his death, and emotionally disturbed children to deal with.  We have all been broken down and humbled to the extreme.

On October 27, the day of my emergency colon removal surgery, I was at risk of dying if I didn’t have the diseased and destroyed colon removed quickly.  And before surgery as I was screaming in pain, I kept asking the nurses if I was going to die.  I didn’t know what kind of pain meant death was imminent, and I was feeling constant, intense pain in my bowels.

But I desperately did NOT want to die.

Days and weeks later I found myself actually wishing I were dead at some moments.  Not seeing any light to pursue.  Feeling out of control from the pain, bloating, gas and need for pain pills and narcotics that were my daily companions.  Feeling depressed about having to cancel our month long planned trip to a beach house in Costa Rica in January.  Depression and despair are not fun feelings I have come to learn.

But thankfully they have passed.  Slowly after weeks the pain eased and I was able to go home.  And slowly and with a lot of effort I am learning what to eat and not eat.  And the result is I am no longer in pain.  And I am gaining weight and strength little by little every week.  And I am sleeping in my own bed again finally.

And I took my last pharmaceutical medication today, after a month long tapering phase off the steroids I had been prescribed.

Today is the dawning of a new era. 

Today I start to build on everything I have experienced.

And what an appropriate day, in Hawaii December 7 marks the anniversary of the day in 1941 Pearl Harbor when they also started rebuilding.

My family and I have a lot of work to do physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.  But I believe all the work we are going to do is building on the foundation of experiences we have had.  We are not starting over.  We are building higher.  We are getting stronger and will be better than ever before.

I can definitely say that I have more compassion and empathy now for people that are struggling in any way, especially with disease or depression.  I have more knowledge of nutrition and health than I ever realized I would want or need to know.  And I am so grateful to be excited about life again.

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I LOOK FORWARD TO 5MMM every day I feel calmer and more relaxed.Most times I am excited for the day. You start my day in a positive way. Writing the affirmations has been a great idea looking forward to Today! -Mrs. Margee

I really enjoyed your book & I’m applying some of your principles in my life. I also enjoy the emails it helps me focal on what is important in life. Thank you for everything. - Preston

I do feel amazing, the amazing vibe is actually gradually healing me, I can literally feel it. Already breakthroughs are occurring within my family and I know it is because I have put my faith into this amazing gift you so carefully and thoroughly share with me each day! - Sam

I really appreciate your work and effort. It had truly helped me turn to a more positive way of thinking. I have my days but I correct myself and jump right back in to motion. - Ann

I have read your book “The Positive thinking secret” and I am so grateful that I downloaded it. It has completely changed my concepts of situations as well as how I react to them, so I must emphasis on how grateful I am. - Carley

Aaron, Thank you! It is a truly amazing life, your 5MMM has helped me focus on the positive that is in my life and has shown me that I can create new habits and replace old detrimental habits! - David

I do not know but the day I laid my eyes below the title of your book..I knew exactly what is missing for me to be completely happy “How to forget the past, smile at the future and laugh in the face of pain” - Carolyne

Thank you for your great and inspiring book (which I’m still reading) and 5MMM tool for ‘improving’ myself :) Greetings from Poland! - Przemek

I feel focus and very excited about the new direction of my life.  Thank you. - Sabrina

I read your book and found it very inspiring. My spirits have felt very light over the past week and I really want to thank you for taking the time to reach out. - Bernie

I feel like I’m very slowly getting closer to the person I need to be. I’m speaking these affirmations aloud and to others in conversation, and it helps. Thank you for this information and for sharing your experiences and for helping me. - Kristi

Your book was very inspiring. I was especially struck by the part about being thankful. I have had a few years of living with a very negative attitude and knew it was not the real me. It is good to be rediscovering the positive me. - Sam

You have helped me to get out of myself and find ways to be of service to others in ways that I didn’t think as service prior to this program. I have been more available to my family, and I have been more aware of how I can help them in their daily struggles. - Betty

Once again your words are perfect in my time of need, I am so grateful to have read your recent emails, I feel calm and a peace with myself. Thank you. Bless you. - Carley

Thank you Aaron, for being in my life too. I really enjoy reading your emails and find they do inspire me to be more thankful every day. - Sharon

Can’t say I’ve been perfect at implementing it, but the daily reminders are good and I look forward to the emails each morning to help me get motivated. - Derek

This program is helping me tremendously. I started with your book The Positive Thinking Secret and ever since I finished your book I found something to smile about almost all day everyday and I would like to thank you for that. - April

I also find it so difficult to stay positive (and motivated to keep positive) when I am under the weather or tired! So thankful to have your emails to keep me going and your honesty to remind me to not be too hard on myself. - Heather

Thank you so much for my first email. I was so excited to read it and as usual your writing struck a chord with me. It’s great to have faith and be grateful and understand that everything is beneficial towards us. - Leona

Just a note to thank your for your 5MMM program. I looked forward to this. I completely understand and believe this is a day to day journey, not something to do for a while and then your “cured.” - Kim

It became so clear to me how everything is conspiring for my benefit. It was soooo freeing to identify that pattern of punishment in my life and felt so relieved and good afterwards. Thanks for the work you do. - Mea

I have been listening to Aaron on his podcast for a few months now through his website and have grown to understand myself better. Thank you for putting this together Aaron. You are a great example! - Lincoln

I thank you for reminding me of the power we have on how to see life. I want to see life everyday as truly amazing. I am inspired to wait, listen and be ever loving patient as to see what my purpose is. - Rebecca

You have made my life so meaningful these past few weeks. I am learning to face my fears in my life and meet them head on. Thank you again for all you do. And by the way I think you are one amazing man. - Theresa

Everyday I am eager to see what my next teaching will be. Everything is simple enough to follow, and really makes a difference. Today is a gift and one of many in a truly amazing life! - David

Hi Aaron, I love it to be honest I feel so much more in control of my thoughts, I’ve been able too see those stressful days as part of a larger master plan of good things coming my way so thank you! - Jade

Thank you so much for this inspiring 30 day mental mastery. It has definitely made a positive change to my life and I will continue to practice my affirmations everyday. - Andy

Thank you so much for offering this program! So far I love the simplicity and how quick and easy it is to fit into a busy schedule. I have been at a very low point in my life and feeling overwhelmed with negative self-perceptions so this came to me at the perfect time. - Lori

I’m over the moon with my results, so much has changed mainly in my attitude towards challenging people. With your program, I am so much more able to let go of the need to be right and best of all I can practice GRATITUDE on a daily basis. - Stephanie

I am presently transferring to a new division in my Company. It is because of YOU – you help me to change my thought process. I THANK YOU for all you do and please continue to do what you do. Be blessed. - Sabrina

Aaron – this past week has been great – you have helped me formulate a plan – my mind is being transfixed from negative to positive. I now am starting to believe the best is ahead of me. I am a warrior and finisher! – Nate

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