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Day 8 – What is the opposite of unconditional love?

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” – Dalai Lama

We’ve spoken for a few days now about what the inner conversation of unconditional love looks like.

I hope this helped open your mind and heart to deeper emotional connections with yourself and others.

Today let’s talk about what unconditional love is NOT.

This contrast should clarify and cement in your mind which thought patterns we want to keep, and those we want to remove from our life.

Sometimes we are unaware of the negative patterns that exist in our mind.

Sometimes we are only aware of the fact that we feel horrible…but we don’t understand why…

…Because for some reason we get blind to the thoughts that cause those negative feelings. We get so accustomed to our inner dialogue that we can’t even see it sometimes.

As we discussed on day 4…

…Feelings are caused by our thoughts in 100% of all cases.

So if you ever feel bad, remember

That is the signal that your thoughts are not aligned with loving energy.

The question is…how do we remove the negative patterns causing us to feel bad?

It starts with awareness. Let’s shed light on some thoughts that would much rather remain in the dark.

We’ve put the magnifying glass up to unconditional love, but…

…What does it look like to NOT Love Unconditionally?

Does it look like unconditional hate?

Like this? “I hate you. I wish you were dead!”

Ouch! I’m sure nobody reading this is living in a state of unconditional hate.

No, the opposite of unconditional love instead looks like this: conditional love.

And what does conditional love look like? Something like this:

“I love you! As long as you do this, that, this, and that other thing, in that specific order, without deviating at all.”

“OK…you can change the order just once, but that’s it! You mess it up worse than that and that’s just unacceptable! I will only love you if you live up to my standard.”

“If not, you can be sure you’ll hear about it in no uncertain terms…either I’ll belittle you straight to your face or at least I’ll use sarcastic undertones.”

That’s the reality of conditional love.

Of course, conditional love would never admit to it that way!

Conditional love is based in selfishness and ego and is actually not real love at all.

Conditional love is pride masquerading as love; a wolf in sheep’s clothing — hiding, looking nice and harmless, appearing fluffy and soft,…

…Then in an unsuspecting moment lashing out with the hate that has infiltrated its core.

Conditional love is rooted in pride which is rooted in enmity — defined as: hatred, active opposition, or hostility.

When we can only give ‘love’ if certain conditions are met…it is always due to a lack of internal self-love.

When all our expectations are being met there’s nothing but loving kindness coming from those of us seduced by the siren call of conditional love. Our thoughts and words say:

“You are amazing! You are so talented. I’m so proud of you. Great job!”

Tellingly, that so-called ‘love’ is doled out based on actions and accomplishments.

But the very minute an expectation goes unmet – the conversation quickly turns south, something like this:

You’re such a failure! You’re so stupid! Why would you do that?!?!?! Idiot!! Moron! Nothing you do will ever be good enough.”

Oh…but you would never speak to people like that would you? You wouldn’t dream of being so rude!

True.

Most of us would never speak so harshly to other people….

But how do you speak to your own self?

What are the specific words in the conversations happening in the privacy of your own mind when you fail to live up to your own expectations?

It’s quite likely that you don’t even realize you have been speaking harshly to yourself in your mind.

For so many of us it is so engrained to be harsh with ourselves that we don’t even notice it.

But in those moments when you feel unhappy, discouraged, or depressed, if you can pause long enough to be aware, you’ll likely see you are not being kind toward your self or others in your thoughts.

Harsh, unkind, judgmental thoughts toward our self cause much of the negative feelings we experience as humans.

There are times I have discovered internal abuse toward myself with thoughts like, “Failure! Stupid! What’s wrong with you?”

I’m not sure where I learned to speak to myself that way…I don’t recall being exposed to parents or anyone in authority speaking to me that harshly.

But for some reason I tend to hold myself to a lofty standard…and when I don’t live up, I’m not always as sensitive to myself as I would be to others.

Can you relate to that?

Well, what’s the big deal? Is it so bad to berate ourselves like a drill sergeant? Doesn’t that help us perform at a higher level?

No.

Unkind, hurtful thoughts we allow ourselves to habitually think have enormous negative impact.

If we call ourselves negative names like, “Idiot!” or “Stupid!”, we can expect a host of other negative thoughts to assail us!

If we entertain those thoughts at all, very quickly we can find ourselves feeling horrible and worthless.

We may even want to label ourselves as bi-polar when we see ourselves go from feeling great to feeling horrible so quickly!

But forget any other label besides ‘human being worthy of love’!

We don’t need labels. We just need awareness and forgiveness.

If you ever feel bad for any reason, just do the simple Ho’oponopono practice.

When there is love inside us, love tends to spread outside us.

When there is no love within, no true love will flow out.

In all likelihood this month will be more about unconditionally loving yourself than others.

We’ve all hated ourselves. We’ve all treated ourselves poorly. We’ve all let ourselves down. Now is the time to simply say, “I’m sorry!

Ask forgiveness of yourself.

Say, “Thank you,” and, “I love you,” to YOU.

Become aware of any hateful or hurtful inner dialogues and say sorry for them!

Seek forgiveness within — then strive to be kind in your thoughts and words to your self.

Unconditional love must start within you, toward you, before it can flow through you to bless others.

Remember…

…Be kind to yourself! It’s always possible.

You can always STOP any hate in its tracks with one simple sentence: I’m sorry.”

Make today amazing!