My morning writing routine smacked me in the face today.
It left me crying (not uncommon)
But today it was with regret and some pain instead of joy.
Luckily that regret got me extremely fired up to make a major change.
Afterward, I had the thought that I’m probably not the only one with this issue, since there are over a billion other fb users and probably over double that of email on smartphone users out there. So today I’m sharing you verbatim my morning writing session to myself.
Read this and let me know what you think:
I want to explore my email & Facebook addiction.
Why am I laying on a bed playing ‘make believe campout’ with my daughter Ali and simultaneously reading emails on my phone?
Or attempting to? My daughter! I’m missing my daughter’s life! She’s only 5 years old for such a short time.
She’s on in my home with me daily for such a brief moment.
Why am I throwing that away? Checking email?? Seriously? Looking at Facebook? What!?!
What am I thinking?
I’m NOT! In that moment it is habit taking over. That’s NOT a life giving habit. That’s a habit that must change.
What do I ant? To teach my kids that the most important thing in life is to have an iPhone and look at it all the time? Even during intimate moments of sharing?
It’s painful to see the memory of that moment. That is a moment I ALREADY regret. And there are so many more similar moments I am sure I’m not even remembering right now.
If I feel this regret and shame for just that one moment – how am I going to feel if I get to the end of my life and have years of those squandered and wasted moments stacked up – staring me in the face – and nothing I can do to change them.
That thought is too much.
And what if today is my last day on earth?
And my daughter’s last memory is her Dad playing make-believing camping with half his attention.
NO MORE! That’s it. For the next 20 days I am focusing on changing that habit.
I enjoy Facebook. I love seeing positive emails. I liked connecting with friends and seeing what people are up to- and being uplifted. I love my email because daily I’m hearing from people with gratitude, or questions I can help with.
But I am going to put FIRST THINGS FIRST.
I will check email & Facebook only 2 times per day for the next 30 days. And I will not check email or look at Facebook AT ALL when I’m with my family.
I will give them my entire heart.
I can tell you now after just one day of keeping this goal, I already feel more empowered and free. I’m super stoked to take back more control of my thoughts and intimate interactions.
I’ve had this habit before, and it makes such a huge difference in quality of life…so I know it’s going to be good.
But I’m intent on getting it back again, right now.
The pain of the thought of looking back on a life half-lived is too much for me to handle.
Who’s with me? Am I alone in not appreciating this habit creeping back into my life?
Curious to hear your thoughts.
Make today amazing!